The acknowledgement of suffering

Loving Kindness Metta Meditation

Every morning before going to work or starting my day, I sit at my desk with a cuppa coffee and write my Morning Pages. This morning was no different. All the crafty stuff are pushed to the side and it's quiet time with me, my thought, my deeper self. In the past week I have been writing down transcripts from "The act of Forgiveness, Loving Kindness and Peace" from Jack Kornfield. I finish, as I usually do, with writing down the Loving Kindness Metta Meditation and set the tone for gratitude and compassion for the day.

the state of my desk this morning

Later at work I met a colleague whom is going through chemo therapy from her second encounter with cancer. She was exhausted and was heading for another round of chemo this afternoon. But she was at work for an hour because she wanted to feel she was doing something useful and did some research for an article she wanted to write. I said it was so good to see her again and I was wondering how she was doing. While talking she expressed her guilt for not being able to work in full again and being sick for nearly 2 years. That she feels like a fraud for wearing a wig to fool everyone that she is doing okay.

Gosh, that really struck me to my core! I've recognized that the outward sense-of-self and inner(deeper)self are both struggling to find some steady ground, because she has been shaken to her core in dealing with this disease and recovery from it.

I told her "There is nothing you need to feel guilty about, you are doing what you can and you are still in your healing process!"  She said "but I can't help feeling this way, the guilt and feeling like a fraud" - and I felt it with her, her pain, her guilt, her helplessness.  I let that resonate with me.
Then I looked her in the eyes and said "You look great, your hair looks so natural it doesn't look like a wig at all! And it's okay to wear one if it makes you feel better, because that is what matters most. I understand this is not an easy road but you should credit yourself for doing what you can in these trying circumstances."

And for a glimpse I saw light in her eyes and in that moment, seeing her beyond her outward created self and struggling inner self, there was a connection between human beings acknowledging that the struggle is real, but it is okay. That within our struggle, we find our deeper selves, and connect to one another beyond what is seen. We connect to what is felt within our core.

Compassion quote

This is an excerpt from Jack Kornfield's book and it expresses a Buddhist prayer in gratitude for the suffering they have been given. To understand and acknowledge that suffering is a part of life is one of the hardest tasks we as human beings have. Once we do we will find within it a deeper understanding and gratitude for life which leads to compassion and solidarity for your fellow human being. Yesterday I have shared a story about suffering and a card design that came from it on my art blog. A more personal story will follow here, but I wanted to say that this card's sentiment could be sent to anyone whom needs to hear those words and heal.

I am grateful to have encountered my colleague in that narrow time frame at work today and I hope our encounter will ignite the truth within her as it resonated within me.

Namasté,
Cheetarah

PS: Sharing this friends over at Julia's blog for WOYWW this week.  Thank you all for the visit to my new blog.

Comments

  1. Happy WOYWW. You have such beautiful handwriting and I admire you for writing every morning. I have started that process so many times, but I have accepted that trying to keep to any regular routine is just not going to happen in my life. Ali x #25

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    1. Thank you for your kind message Ali! I have to say that it took me quite some time to develop a routine for writing in the morning. And sometimes I skip a morning, but the trick is to not beat yourself up about it. I also do my gratitude practice in the evening before meditation and going to bed. For me it's like this; brushing your teeth is good for your dental hygiene, morning pages is good for your mental hygiene :) Have a wonderful week <3

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  2. Hi Cheetarah, I can totally understand what your friend is feeling., but for a slightly different reason. I too am a cancer patient, but the chemo I had didn't cause hair loss. No, I understand her felling like a fraud, because it's what I say about myself. I have been off work for almost two years now, for surgeries, radio/chemo, and just about to have some more radio. I feel a fraud, because if you saw me, you would never know I have anything wrong with me. And I feel perfectly fine, and have all the way through this journey. In fact I say to people that I always feel like I am recovering from a treatment, or a surgery, never from an illness. So yes, I totally get how she feels- tell her when you see her again,.she is not alone in feeling that way, please. I hope all goes well for her, and send her hugs & good wishes.
    Loved this post,.Have a lovely week, Hugs, Shaz #7 XxX

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    1. Dear Shaz, thank you so much for your openhearted response! When I see my colleague again I will let her know and share with her what you have shared here. I am also sending you well wishes and the message I wrote in my blogpost. I hope you find comfort in the fact that you are not alone in this. But also know, that once you have acknowledge this feeling (of feeling like a fraud) you can let that go and concentrate on your healing. Within our vulnerability lies our strength. Big HUGS to you! xoxox

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  3. I am glad that your moment with a colleague helped her in a difficult time. Your penmanship is amazing and I loved the quote. Happy WOYWW. Sarah #18

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    1. Thank you for your kind comment Sarah! Have a wonderful week. xoxo Cheetarah

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  4. Good morning my new friend! Thank you for sharing in such a deep and meaningful way. I know there is no accidents in life and that I meet people when they are meant to come into my life. I used write Morning Pages daily about two years ago and have struggled to bring back the practice. I currently rise quite early and meditate for 20 minutes then workout in my home for about 15 minutes then it''s time to bring my boys to school. I loved my Morning Pages when I wrote first thing but not sure how to incorporate it into my new routine. But you mentioning it, make my heart ache. Somehow I feel like if I write them after I drop off the boys that they aren't as pure or not real? Do you ever have that problem if you write them later?

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    1. Dear Belinda, so good to hear from you :) Yes, I agree there are no coincidental encounters in life :) Reading your story, I have to say that it gives a familiar pang to my heart as well. I used to rise early and do yoga and work out before going to work. For 2 years I have not done that (broke out of my routine due to a Burn -out) and I long for doing yoga in the morning again, but I still have so little physical energy in the morning. I come to realize I can't do EVRYTHING and that is okay. There are seasons we use one tool, then in other times we reach for another. It's the ebb and flow of life, there is no right or wrong in that either. And to your question, if you write them later, if that works for you, that that is absolutely fine! I have two moments where I write, in the morning and in the evening before going to bed. The latter you could call "evening pages" :) Have a wonderful week, my dear new friend!

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    2. Yoga and I do a funny dance but I have come to accept it's absence at times too. Sometimes I get down on myself for not having a regular practice but I also recognize that some of this angst is more the "idea" of having a regular practice than the actual practice itself and so I have to catch myself. I have started waking 20 minutes earlier and have been writing my morning pages before meditation but I realize I have to stick to my early to bed schedule because yesterday I went to my pages in a bit of a mood!! I look forward to more catching up with you and thank you again for such wonderful inspiration. Have a blessed day my friend!

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  5. Interesting thoughts about suffering and life! You reminded me to start doing morning pages again, which I started but was not able to continue, due to a rather chaotic year. I said a prayer for your friend.

    Suzanne #34

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    1. Thank you for your kind reply Suzanne and I am sure my colleague will appreciate the prayer.
      Have a great week. xoxo Cheetarah

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  6. what an inspiring post! good for you. Happy WOYWW Helen #4

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    1. Thank you for your kind reply Helen, have a great week xo Cheetarah

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  7. Your handwriting is beautiful - it rises and falls and flows. I think it's a wonderful idea to start the day with it. Your friend's ordeal is a tough one - I'm glad she talked candidly to you, so many people can't or don't want to.
    Hugs LLJ 5 xxxx

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    1. Thank you for your kind comment, Jan. I too am grateful she felt like she could share this, it's tough to deal with these things on your own. Have a wonderful week, xo Cheetarah

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  8. Such a nice message. It made me think - thank you. :-)
    April #1

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    1. Thank you for your kind comment April. Thank you for reading it :) Have a wonderful week, xo Cheetarah

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  9. Hi Cheetarah,
    That is a very touching story. I hope the chemo works for your colleague. Have a peaceful week, Heather #6

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    1. Hi Heather, thank you for your kind comment. I am hoping with you, that the chemo will help her. Have a wonderful week, xo Cheetarah

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  10. How lucky the lady is to have you as a colleague and a friend. Of course she should wear a wig if that makes her feel better and may she recover from all those thoughts and the illness.
    Hugs

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  11. Cheetarah, Hope your colleague get's through it. I'm sure with positive people around her like yourself she will.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog.

    Happy WOYWW
    Sue #16

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  12. Hi Cheetarah, hope your friend stays positive. My mum who is now 89 had bowel cancer but always believed she would get better even through the difficult times with the chemo and I do think the positive attitude got her through it. I love your Morning Pages, what a lovely idea. Thanks for the visit to mine and have a lovely week. Angela x12x

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